Hall of Origin: Darkrai's arrival!
by Snowskeeper
Summary: Darkrai's home is smashed, so he moves to the Hall of Origin... Where everyone hates him!
1. Chapter 1

_**Before anyone asks, this will NOT be a DarkraiXCressalia, as anyone who's read my only previous Pokémon Fanfic would know. From this point onwards, this space (And any other text that is bold and italized, whether at the beginning or end) will be reserved for author's notes. I will use this time to reply to reviews, state important things about the chapter, and generally make a fool of myself. If you liked "Polar Opposites", or "The First Date", by all means, read it through and flame it. Then I can shoot you down and generally laugh in your face. As in all of my stories, anonymous flames will be removed for the sake of cleanliness. **_

_**UPDATE: I read it over again and updated one thing in the paragraph after this.**_

Darkrai woke up in the peaceful, quiet shadows of his small cave on Newmoon Island, as always. The island, in daylight, looked like a horrible shell, covered in broken trees and stones that cast shadows that were far too long, but in moonlight, it's true beauty was revealed. He always revelled in it before he left to perform his nightly 'duties' in the name of a god he didn't believe in. He believed in an Emperor, the protector of humanity for so long, that would come into being in about 38000 years... He looked at the shadows the moonlight cast, using them as a sort of sundial. It was nowhere near as efficient as a real sundial, but it got the job done.

According to the shadows, he'd got up about an hour early. He shrugged. Most of the targets on his list would still be asleep by this time, and those that weren't... Well, maybe he could skip them.

It wasn't that he didn't want to hurt the humans. They'd caused him more pain than any Pokémon had, before and after he was transformed. But he experienced every nightmare that he gave like it was his own the next day. He always suffered at least 10 times the amount of pain he had given all night in just one of the nightmares he had to suffer through. Arceus called it punishment for deserting his kingdom to the Sinnohans.

He called it sadism, pure and simple.

Just as he was flying over the waters, on his way to the mainland (would the mainland be Sinnoh again this time? Or Hoenn? Maybe Johto? He often found his island off a new coast, the one where he would do his rounds that day) He heard a resounding crack behind him. He turned, his cloak swirling behind him, the hood on its back rustling slightly. His blue-green eyes widened in shock as he saw his island, the one that he had lived on for more than a hundred thousand years, cloven neatly in two and sinking slowly below the waves.

He let out an ear-splitting cry of shock and dismay, and immediately flew back. He searched the waters for the Pokémon that had done it. No human could do that, not yet, at least, and there was no way that had been natural. He was just in time to catch site of a blue dorsal fin with silver decorative lines pulsing gently along it.

Quickly, he cast a Dark Void. An area about the size of a Snorlax suddenly became shrouded in shadow, and the water around it began falling into it. But Kyogre had already escaped.

Trembling with rage and grief, Darkrai began to inspect the carnage. Seconds later, he stopped. There was nothing left to inspect. Newmoon Island had completely sunk beneath the waves.

"Hey Darkrai!" A pink bundle of fur and energy fell from the sky, landing squarely on his head.

_Great, just what I need, another crazy Legendary created by Arceus. _Darkrai thought sullenly. He was suddenly feeling very depressed, even enough to dampen the feel of his anger and sadness at the loss of his ancient home.

"Arceus says that you have to go back home!" Scratch that. He was still angrier than he was depressed.

"So now he wants me to drown myself?" Darkrai shouted, grabbing Mew by the scruff on the back of his neck.

"No, silly!" Nothing dampened emotions more than being called silly. "I mean the Hall Of Legendaries? You know, where all your fellow Legendaries live, where Dad lives... That home!" Darkrai suppressed the urge to strangle Mew.

"Why? He probably ordered Kyogre to trash my island, just so that I would have to come!" Mew squirmed slightly.

"Uhhh... About that... You see, I was actually supposed to tell you last night. But I'd had like a billion Red Bulls and I was so hyper, then my crash was like, I fell asleep instantly. So I kinda forgot. Then Arceus asked me the next day if I'd told you, and I said yes, and that you'd said yes, so he ordered the destruction program!" Darkrai tossed Mew away in disgust. Fortunately for Mew, he tossed him up, not down, so he managed to levitate again before he hit the water. "What was that for?"

"If you need to ask that, then you need to get your brain checked."

"So are you gonna go?"

"Why would I?"

"Well, you don't have a home now and all... So you'd need one, and we have a guest room..."

"...Fine."

"Thanks!"

"Why are you thanking me again?"

"Because if you didn't come, Arceus would have eaten me! Wait, put me down! Ahhhhhh!" Mew sailed away through the air towards the horizon. Darkrai turned away, and began floating towards Mount Coronet, which was the most surefire entrance to the Hall Of Origin.

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Finally, he arrived at the top. A human would have to play some sort of amber flute or something to trick Arceus into lowering the stairs, but a Legendary only had to ask politely. Unfortunately, Darkrai had originally been a human, and therefore had technically evolved, so he wasn't classified as a Legendary. Therefore, he had to shout. Really loudly.

"ARCEUS! LOWER THE STAIRS!" Nothing happened.

"ARCEUS, I KNOW THAT THERE'S NO WAY THAT MEW COULD HAVE GOT KYOGRE TO SINK MY ISLAND, SO I KNOW IT WAS YOU! THEREFORE, WHAT MEW SAID ABOUT YOU WANTING ME TO COME TO THE HALL MUST BE TRUE TOO! SO LOWER THE DAMN STAIRS!" A set of glowing stairs appeared. Darkrai floated up them quickly, not quite putting it past Arceus to make him unable to levitate and then getting rid of the stairs.

_That wasn't a very nice thought. I always thought that Arceus's distrust of you was justified. I don't know why he's letting you in now, even. Ah well. We all have our quirks. And Arceus is getting on in years. _

"Shut up, Mewtwo. Stay in your own head."

_Why should I? Messing with other people is so much funner!_

"Remind me to give you a taste of my Dark Void when I get the chance."

_That would be stupid._

"Exactly why I expect you to do it." Stumped for a sarcastic reply, Mewtwo simply shut up. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only psychic Legendary in residence.

_Hi Darkrai._

"Oh come on... Why is it that whenever I have to go anywhere, you're always there, Cressalia? I thought I sent you to a dessert somewhere."

_Hippowdon temple, yes. I got out, dad._

"Yeah, I kind of figured. Has Heatran gotten out of his volcano yet?"

_Ages ago. Same person who freed me and Lucario freed him._

"Do I have to send you back?"

_Years of being stuck in an ugly temple helps you realize that fighting each other doesn't profit._

"Good."

_Me and Heatran have decided that we both hate you more. Lucario's not taking sides, as usual._

"..." Darkrai finally reached the top. He opened the door. About a dozen angry faces waited for him. The first one to talk was, as usual, the flighty being of Emotions, Mesprit.

"Who'd you bribe or blackmail to get Arceus to let you in here?" Next up, Kyogre.

"Sorry I had to trash your island. We aren't supposed to leave any trace of ourselves, and no one told me you weren't- er, almost were still on it." Darkrai, who had almost accepted it as a valid apology, immediately chalked her down as one of the ones who wanted him dead.

"Hello, friend." Darkrai turned to see Giratina. He was one of the few that actually liked Darkrai, mostly because he was treated much the same way. "Good journey?"

"Well, Mewtwo and Cressalia decided that it was their divine right to pester me on the way up, but other than that..."

"Good. Arceus wants to speak to you."

Darkrai distinctly heard Groudon mutter "those two are gay together." Darkrai turned, finally snapping, and dropped Groudon into the Dark Void. He would come out in about 3 minutes.

"Anyone else wanna give it a try?" No one stepped forward. "Good." He followed Giratina.

_**Well, it's official. I suck at comedy. This might get better later, but I refuse to get a beta, so R&R please so that I can figure out how to make this better!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow, four reviews in like an hour, and none of them negative? Thanks! That deserves an early second chapter! That and I'm bored X D**_

__"Congratulations! You passed your legendary test!" Arceus cried.

"What?" Darkrai said, more than a little taken aback.

"You had to do your assigned task for a certain amount of time before we could let you into the Hall of Origin! Then you become a full Legendary!"

"But the others were all in here the second you made them."

"Err... That's because I made them! I knew I could trust them!"

"But Cressalia, Heatran, and Lucario have just gotten into the world. They haven't had any where near enough time to do what you told them to!" Arceus changed the subject.

"So, your rewards are... The ability to go with any Tamer- No, wait, wrong alternate universe, sorry, any Trainer you want for any period of time,"

_Useless, I could already do that._ Darkrai thought.

"My respect,"

_So?_

"And a room in the Hall Of Origins!" Darkrai snapped to attention at that.

"So, you're saying that one of the rewards for my service is to live somewhere where half the people want to kill me, most of the other half want me dead but don't want to get their hands dirty, and the small remaining percentage doesn't care either way?"

"Great, isn't it?" Darkrai floated over to the nearest pillar and began to slam his head into it repeatedly.

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Several bruises and a large indentation in his forehead later, Darkrai was finally pulled away from the pillar and shown to his room. It was actually pretty nice to him, though to any of the other legendaries it would have been horrifying. The clouds passed at almost exactly the altitude of his room, preventing light from shining in and irritating him. The floor, walls, and ceiling were all painted black, as was the bed. The bed would look extremely uncomfortable to any other person, human or Pokémon, but Darkrai had been sleeping in a cave on the ground for the last few million years, so to him, it looked like the finest bed in the world. In one corner, there was a light switch, but Darkrai ignored that. It wasn't like he was going to use it. In another, a small cupboard for the snacks that some Legendaries liked to eat between meals.

_It could have been worse. By a lot. _He thought, and glided forward.

Suddenly, the floor dropped out from under him. Darkrai repressed the urge to scream and pull backwards. He was floating, there was nothing a small hole could do to him- Suddenly, his ability to hover vanished. He was falling, and only the reflexes that had defeated hundreds of trainers and avoided millions more saved him from falling to an untimely death.

He grabbed the edge, and swung himself back up. He looked back to the floor.

"'Cressalia & Heatran Waz Here'. Should have known." Darkrai muttered to himself, making a mental note to give them especially painful nightmares some time. The fact that they were his kids simply didn't enter into the equation. He forced himself back in the air, breaking the seal on his power

_Darkrai, I'll send someone down to fix your floor. In the mean time, you should explore!_ Arceus sent. Darkrai floated over to the wall, carefully positioned his head at an angle that would avoid the bruises he already had, around the eye not covered by his white hair.

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About 8 floors above, Jirachi suddenly bolted upright from his bed. He was younger than most legendaries, and wasn't old enough to stay up past 10, which was when Darkrai came, so he didn't know that Darkrai had arrived yet. He listened carefully for a second.

_Strange... There's a repetitive stream of thumping sounds coming from downstairs..._ He thought. After a moment, he shrugged and went back to sleep.

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Darkrai, his face now purple as well as black, finally turned away from the wall and walked out the door, heading towards the scent of fresh air. He needed something to clear his head and allow him to think clearly. All these crazy people were starting to get on his nerves.

Finally, he arrived at his destination. He opened the door-

And closed it, seeing that the balcony overhanging the snow-covered peak of Mount Coronet was occupied by Kyogre. She'd knock him off the side and make it look like suicide. As quietly as he could, he continued along the corridor, looking for another balcony.

_**Elsewhere...**_

__Cressalia stared in fury at Heatran. "You promised that would work!" Heatran shifted uncomfortably. He was the Legendary of Volcanoes, and even he got scared when his big sister got really angry... like now.

"Well, how would I know that he could hold on to the ledge like that?" Cressalia rolled her eyes.

"That's like saying 'How would I know that the rabid dog would bite me if I taunted it?'! Get your act together, and forge a trap that actually works!"

"Did you ever think about how wrong this is? We're killing our own father..."

"Who forced us into the wilderness!"

"Because we were going to destroy the kingdom with our wars!"

"You're starting to sound like him!" Heatran started to reply, but stopped. There was no point in arguing with her when she was like this. Sometimes he thought that she liked making people angry. She was always treated nicely by the humans because she was the bearer of good dreams, but often she could be a real-

"Don't finish that thought!" Cressalia shouted. Heatran sighed. Damn psychics.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry for not updating yesterday... Or the day before... Okay, nothing else to say right now.**_

Finally finding a balcony that was unoccupied, Darkrai lay down and began to think of what he was going to do. He knew that if he stayed here the other Legendaries would eventually kill him or make him so miserable that he simply stayed in his room all day, but if he left Arceus would probably take it as an insult and issue a death warrant or something. Then he would have Legendaries, Humans, and normal Pokémon after him. And at least in here they had to be discreet about killing him, making it about 10 times harder for most of them (a 2 ton lava monster eating someone being rather hard to disguise).

He could always trick them into liking him by messing around with their nightmares so that he was trying to help them, but that was risky at best, and it was likely to be only temporary even if it did work.

Maybe he could make them all sleep-walk off a cliff... Oh yeah, _that'd _work. Just as well as trying to poke them to death.

He could just ignore them and hope he didn't die...

He could drop them into a Dark Void.

The door began to open. Through it walked Groudon. "Hi." Groudon said.

"Ok, you haven't attacked yet, so I'm going to assume that you aren't going to kill me. What do you want?"

"Well, I know you have no friends."

"Thanks." Darkrai muttered, rolling his eyes.

"You know what I meant. Anyway, I was thinking that if you helped me I could help you." Darkrai was pretty sure what was coming next.

"You want me to drop Kyogre into Dark Void, right? And not let her out?"

"Umm... Yeah."

"Not doing it. I don't permanently trap people, no matter how much I hate them."

"Then I won't help you."

"What makes you think I need help?"

"Everyone hates you."

"Except most of the younger Legendaries, Mew, who's technically a kid too-"

"All of whom would be useless in a fight."

"And Giratina, who's strong enough to rip you all a new one at the same time. Minus Arceus, of course, and he doesn't get involved in this stuff."

Groudon thought for a second. "What if I could promise to stop Cressalia and Heatran from trying anything else?" This gave Darkrai some pause. He floated off the floor slightly.

"How?"

"I'd eat them." Darkrai allowed himself to drop back down. Hard.

"No."

"They're going to kill you!"

"Yeah, and they have good reason to. I not only abandoned them, I banished them. They were trapped for millennia in places unfit for most humans."

"Yeah, but they're Pokémon! They could have managed easily!"

"They weren't Pokémon at the time." Groudon looked at him quizzically. Darkrai didn't say anything else.

"Well, if you change your mind, you come talk to me."

"I'll think about it."

"Good." And with that, he turned and left. Darkrai thought retrospectively that it was a good thing that the Hall of Origins reduced size, if not weight, so that the larger Pokémon could move around just as easily as the smaller ones. Groudon would have crushed him completely by accident otherwise.

After about another hour, he sighed, hovered up from the floor, righted himself, and floated back through the corridors to his room. That was when he remembered that his room had windows. Slowly, he floated over to the dented section of the wall.

_**700 repetitions later...**_

Darkrai crashed, unconscious to the floor.

_Darkrai awoke suddenly, only to find he wasn't in his new room anymore. He was back in Almia. It was shortly after he'd allowed the human Blake to catch him. At first he'd had doubts about the fool, but after hours of battle, during which a stalemate in which his opponent was asleep and he was frozen solid was achieved, he had finally conceded that he was worthy of being his partner. For a time. His opponent tossed his 50__th__ Pok_é_ball, a Repeat Ball, and this time he allowed the ritual the humans called the 'Three Shakes and a Click' to take place. Blake walked over to the ball, stared wonderingly at it for a second, then picked it up, grinning happily._

_ Darkrai waited for night to come, then he quickly exited his Pokéball and delved into the mind of his new associate. The nightmare that would result would be worth it to find out what he was like. Battle was a great indicator, but it only went so far._

_ He found a gentle soul corrupted by the Dark Crystal. While the Crystal wasn't evil in itself, those around it were corrupted by the aura it emitted. Especially humans. He frowned slightly. In the human's dream, he was being chased by a shadow darker than night without stars. He was running towards the light of the sun, but the shadow was catching him. This represented, in most humans eyes, a struggle to get away from evil towards good. But Darkrai saw things most humans, indeed most Pokémon, didn't._

_ In the darkness rested things that could save his life. Safety from prying eyes, the ability to hide from those who would harm him... Whereas the light would reveal where he was, and make it easy for them to find him. The human knew this too. And he was running from safety. Darkrai saw something strange. A promise. It said simply 'if you surrender to me, I will give you what you want.' Darkrai looked deeper into Blake's mind. 'A new power source to replace those disappearing.' Blake murmered._

Suddenly, Darkrai woke up. He didn't remember what he'd dreamt about.

_**Thought I'd write something about Darkrai's time with Blake here.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Review Response: Yuki-Neechan. The answer is... Kind of? It's not really a Yaoi, because it's kind of forced. The Pokéballs force Pokémon to like their trainers. However, legendaries have more control over themselves than the common Pokémon. They choose the trainer they fall under for certain qualities which differ between them. It's a hard question to answer...**_

_** Omake time! (Omake: A short story loosely connected to the main story and using at least one of the same characters.) Don't worry, the scheduled update is also here.**_

__**OMAKE 1**

"My Darkrai could own your Rayquaza any day!," said the 5 year old to his friend across the table, also five, who was gnawing on his DS. At this though, he stopped.

"No! My Rayquaza took down a Bidoof!"

"Bidoof are only barely stronger than _Magikarp_!So what?"

"...The Bidoof was level 100!"

"So what?"

"I don't know!"

"Then why did you bring it up!"

"WHY DO YOU KEEP BOTHERING ME! WHAAAAA!"

"I challange you to a Pokémon battle!"

"But I don't have Wi-Fi!"

"You don't need Wi-Fi for battles between people sitting right next to each other!"

"So?" While this interesting conversation was going on, Darkrai and Rayquaza were floating over top of the house.

"Do you want to blast them, or should I?" Rayquaza said.

"By all means, you do it. If I used Dark Pulse right now I would trash half the city."

"Okay then." Rayquaza charged up a hyper beam.

"Hey, we don't want to kill them!"

"Oh, ok." Rayquaza began charging up a solar beam. Darkrai facepalmed and floated away.

_**END OMAKE**_

Darkrai was out for a stroll, something many legendaries couldn't do. It wasn't that they didn't want to, it's that they couldn't, it was that they couldn't float five thousand feet up in the air. The Hall of Origin was still nearby, because he wasn't allowed to leave, like all legendaries that take up residence there, except for business reasons, or if they were caught by a trainer. Which explained how easily most were being caught, nowadays, actually.

The air was refreshingly cool for him, though most humans would be frozen solid pretty quickly, and the air was crisp, though most humans would be gasping for air. Actually, strike that, they'd be falling through the air screaming their little heads off wondering why they thought their lives were worthless enough to warrant them killing themselves.

_Well, that line of thought was a sure-fire way to get me depressed enough to go back inside._ He thought, and returned to the Hall. He was just in time for lunch, apparently, because everyone was in the main dining hall. He had to go in, now that he'd lost his excuse that he'd been outside and hadn't heard the lunch bell.

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"Today, I have an announcement to make. We will be having at least 2 more Legendaries be inserted into the time line sometime in Christmas!" Groans went up around the room. That meant MORE super-powered gods wandering the Hall, and MORE creatures that would either be annoying, like Mesprit, or easily annoyed, like Dialga, Palkia, Giratina, Darkrai... Like most of the lV Legendaries, actually.

"But why? If you're god, then you should be able to stop the new creatures from coming!" shouted the pink furball, Mew. He didn't want this to mess up his fun.

Arceus shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you see, I may be God, but I'm not the most powerful thing in the universe."

Mesprit rolled her eyes. "Thanks for clearing that up."

Arceus ignored her and continued. "You see, there is a force above us. They created all, using a device they call 'polygons'. These people live in a group called..." She paused for a moment of reverence. "GameFreak." Everyone sat in awe of the name for a second. "Anyway, now that that announcement is out of the way, please, return to your meals. Darkrai sat down at an empty table, and some of his favourite food, a plate of perfectly grilled Magikarp-

_**Meanwhile, in the real world...**_

_** Snowskeeper sat innocently typing away at his computer. Once and a while he switched the browser window to one of the Pokemon communities, laughing occasionally at the jokes he found there. Suddenly, a bunch of green-skinned people charged in to the basement, screaming "WAAAAAAGH!" One of them ran over to Snowskeeper.**_

_** "Oi, you, git, you Snowskeeper Ferenczy?"**_

_** "Ye-Yeah, why?" Snowskeeper said, looking at the guns that looked like they had just been put together, and the blunt blades covered in rust.**_

_** "We'ze is from dah commission of Orks for dah better treatment of Magikarp. We'ze say dat you 'ave to rewrite dat last bit about dah Magikarp!" **_

_** "This is my story! Go write your own!" In a fit of rage, the lead Ork raised his shootah and fired into Snowskeeper's face. Fortunately for the writer, it had no ammo in it.**_

_** "Oi! Ralph! I thought you said you loaded up dah shootahs!"**_

_** "I guess I forgot, boss!"**_

_** "I'm gonna cut your head off and put it on mah pointy stick when we get back to base! You bettah change dat part, Snowy boy, or we'ze will be back! Oi, what're you writin' in dat bold slanty writin'?"**_

_** "Erm, the author's notes! Yeah, that's it!"**_

_** "Awright den, we'll leave you to finish dat story." The greenskins left. Snowskeeper sighed with relief and continued writing. A few minutes later he went upstairs.**_

_** "OH MY GOD THEY TURNED THE TOASTER INTO A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!"**_

Darkrai sat down at an empty table, and some of his favourite food, a plate of perfectly grilled Bidoof appeared out of nowhere. He dug in. And immediately felt sick to his stomach.

"Oh, great, they're trying to kill me again." One of the nearby Legendaries, Shaymin, looked over.

"No, that's just food poisoning. It's Mew's turn to cook."

_**Alright, 'least I didn't get my head cut off. Anyone who can guess what that race is from can have a human OC appear in one of the upcoming chapters if they want. First person to review with it gets it.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**=D**_

Darkrai was lying in his bed. It was 3:00 AM, but he couldn't get to sleep. Or he wouldn't. Maybe it had something to do with all the bad dreams he'd given that night. Or Mews cooking. He couldn't really tell.

He was just about to drift off, finally, when over the loudspeakers blared

"ALL LEGENDARIES REPORT TO THE MAIN HALL! A TOASTER- ER, WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION HAS BEEN DISCOVERED! IT APPEARS IT FELL THROUGH A RIFT STRATEGICALLY PLACED IN A TRASH CAN!"

Darkrai jumped up and ran into the main hall, only 5 floors, 2 elevators, thirty five stair cases, nineteen hallways, and a pole-vault away from his room.

"How did they make a weapon of Mass Destruction out of a TOASTER?" Mesprit was shouting, nearly in tears. Dammit, she was really playing up this 'being of emotions' crap.

"I think they replaced the batteries with nuclear missiles! THOUSANDS OF THEM!" Shouted Arceus.

Dakrai shook his head. "Are you sure this isn't some twisted joke? How did they fit thousands of nuclear missiles into a battery compartment?"

Arceus turned to him, and, using magical powers, shook him. "I DON'T KNOW!" Darkrai couldn't respond without biting his own tongue off, so he stayed silent. Mesprit, on the other hand, began to cry loudly, hurting everyone's ears enough to make them bleed. Arceus began to cry too.

"Okay," Rayquaza shouted over the noise. "Mesprit crying makes sense, even if she does have the French word for Spirit in her name. But GOD?"

"Well, it kind of makes sense," shouted Darkrai, "supposedly there's a world ending device made out of a toaster somewhere." At this, Rayquaza began to cry too.

"Alright, that's it..." Darkrai muttered. Then he shouted "TIME OUT TIME!" And dropped everyone in the room except for Giratina, Mew, Groudon, and Kyogre, who happened to be the only ones not freaking out, into a impromptu Dark void. "Right, where's the toaster of death?"

Giratina nodded at the map in the corner. "Right where that pin thing says." Darkrai looked at the map.

"Does anyone know teleport? I'm not walking to Hoenn."

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!" Shouted Mew. Darkrai groaned.

"Anyone else?" No one came forward. "Great..."

"Don't worry. At least you won't have to go there in silence."

"That's the problem..." Darkrai groaned. "Alright, let's get this over with."

"YAYZORZ!" Mew screamed and grabbed Darkrai's arm. Before he had time to say anything about Yayzorz not being a real word, or, more realistically, blasting Mew with a Dark Pulse into next week, they were there.

"I don't see the toaster."

"That's because it's not on the floor anymore, silly! It's in that tower labelled 'Team Rocket Top Secret Doomsday Toaster '!"

"How did I miss that...?"

"I fed you radioactive chocolate last night!"

"..."

"Shutting up now."

They floated over to the base of the tower.

"Identifaction please?"

"You mean identification?"

"Nope, I mean identifaction. You see, so many little groups have sprung up, we decided to bring them under common leadership! Only Team Galactic refused! And wasted several of our best guys! But that's beside the point. Now, can I see your identifaction?"

"Sure!" Mew chirped, sending a reproving look at Darkrai for not knowing what identifaction was. He gave them some sort of shiny card that had Mew's face on it.

"Ah, you're part of the Team Legendary faction. Well, can I see your friend's identifaction please?"

"Sorry, he's not registered yet. Can we register here?"

"Sorry. I can give him a guest's permit though, because he's with someone who has registered!"

"Thanks!"

Darkrai stared slightly.

"You mean it's that easy to get into the top secret Team Rocket facility?"

"Well, we figured since several 10 year olds have broken into our facilities with little or no trouble, we might as well be nice to them while they do it."

"Good point. Where's the toaster?"

"Top floor, first door on the right."

"Thanks."

_**D=**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Review Replies: No1fanofalot: Nope, not Lord of the Rings. I can see that I've really got you guys stumped here, so try searching Ork Waaagh! on Google. You should get some results.**_

It was Darkrai's worst nightmare. Every possible evil monster, every possible situation, they all quailed in front of this. There was no escape.

He was trapped in an elevator with an over-caffeinated Mew.

"So, what's a Gerbil? I heard about them from Palkia when she was travelling between dimensions, but she only said, like, a Gerbil kept biting her. Do you know why the Gerbil was biting her? No? Ok. I think a Gerbil must be a really fierce monster to want to bite Palkia. It must be the size of the Kanto radio tower! Or even the height of the Hall of Origin! That would be scary, wouldn't it? I mean, you're just sleeping peacefully and then this giant monster yanks the entire hall out of the air and eats you and the plaster and cement and stuff-"

"YES! FLOOR 5! THANK YOU!" Darkrai screamed, and dived at the doors.

Which had not begun to open yet. While Darkrai lay on the floor in a semi state of unconsciousness, Mew regaled him with the tale of the time Mewtwo flushed him down the toilet.

"I was gonna just fly back up the pipe, but Mewtwo had apparently gone to the bathroom after flushing me and- Oh, look, the doors are opening. Let's go!"

He dragged Darkrai through the air by his red collar around the next corner, got bored of that, and sprayed him with water from his pinky. Darkrai spluttered for a second. He looked around.

"Hey, I thought we were supposed to go through the first door on the right."

"There were no doors to the right back there. They must be taken up by the next door on that corner."

"But the corner turned left."

"So?"

"Mew, here's a little puzzle for you."

"Really? I love puzzles. There was this one jigsaw puzzle-"

"Here it is. The following statement is true. The previous statement is false." Mew began to think hard. The cogs in his brains grinded like they had never grinded before. There was no limit to what he could realize in this state. After remembering what a statement was, he continued to try to solve the puzzle.

"This is the universe I live in..." Darkrai muttered, adding the last line to the puzzle. Mew didn't notice, so thoroughly engulfed in the puzzle as he was.

After several more left turns, dozens more right turns, and a few water fountains, they finally came upon a door to the left. Unfortunately, they were looking for a door to the right, so they went onwards. Finally, they came to the end of the corridor.

"Dammit, that door guard lied to us! It's probably not even on the fifth floor!"

"Or maybe... You know that puzzle you just gave me? It ceases to puzzle if you stop thinking about it. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you can't be puzzled by something you're not thinking of, you idiot. How would you be? Anyway, I think he meant that at the first door we were supposed to turn around so that it was on the right and not on the left."

"Wha...?"

"Just follow me..."

Finally, they arrived at the door. Mew opened it. Inside, there was a large group of humans surrounding the toaster. One of them had a Spheal out. Finally, one of them got up the nerve to touch it.

"So they've been staring at it since they found it?"

"Don't ruin the moment!"

Suddenly, a voice rang through the building.

"Oi! You! Git! Get yer 'ands off dah weapon! You ain't no ork!" Everyone jumped back, expecting some sort of holy retribution. When none came, they touched it again.

"Git, if you touch dah weapon again, you is gonna feel dah pain of Dakka." Not knowing what Dakka was, and feeling even more emboldened by the lack of retribution, they touched it again.

"Awright, dat's it, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Suddenly, two really big guns appeared out of the side of the toaster.

"What the..." started the scientist who had been touching it repeatedly, before he was riddled with bullets.

"Whoa!" Shouted almost everyone, before diving behind cover.

Suddenly, the Spheel began to glow.

"Really bad time to evolve into Walrein, little buddy!" Shouted the scientist.

"No, maybe we could use his corpse as cover!" Shouted another. They all stared at him. "What?"

Suddenly, where the Spheel had been standing, a man clad in grey army fatigues and clutching a Scar-H holographic assault rifle to his chest appeared.

"Congratulations!" Someone's pokedex said, "your Spheel evolved into a Navy Spheel!"

"Excuse me while I go headbang..." Darkrai muttered, before continuing to do so.

The Navy Spheel and the toaster exchanged fire for a couple of minutes, but it was a losing fight for the toaster. While it had great spread and their bullets were fast and big, they simply didn't have the accuracy of the Scar-H Holographic. Finally, both of the guns were destroyed.

"Dam ya, ya gits. Those was mah best shootahs! Yer lucky dat I don't wanna give ya dah satisfaction of detonating. So I is just gonna fizzle now. See ya later, snotling!" And with that, the toaster fizzled, and fell apart.

"Wow... That was anticlimactic. You mean we didn't even have to come?" Said mew

"...Yeah, I think so..."

"Alright then, I'm gonna teleport you back to the Hall now!"

"Fine."

"Hey, when are you gonna let them out of the pit."

"In about 5 hours, why?"

"Well, on the way here, we got trapped in a space-time rift..."

"And?"

"We've been gone five weeks."

"...Oh god."

_**Meanwhile, in the Dark Void...**_

"'Mistress Cressalia', I thought that you were supposed to make these dreams better."

"I did. For me. Now go get me more cake, Servant Heatran!"

"...Why me?"

_**Yay, the toaster of doom is disabled, Heatran is a servant, and I somehow managed to keep Giovanni out of a Team Rocket story!**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Responses to reviews: yuki-neechan: **_

_**Congratulations! Here to present you with your reward is the head of the Association for better treatment of Magikarp, Big Warboss Bludangutz! **_

"_**Oi, do I 'ave to?"**_

_**Yes. Yes you do.**_

"_**Awright... Congratz, git, you won a piece a paper to write yer OC application on. Snowy promises dat it won't die off in dah first chaptah it's in, unless he really doesn't like it. Dat it, Snowy?"**_

_**What about the rest?**_

"_**Fine, fine... You also get a big shiny imaginary trophy. It isn't real, cuz Snowy couldn't afford dah shipping fee. Sorry. How 'bout now?"**_

_**Yeah, that's it. Alright, let's go eat some Magikarp!**_

"_**...Boyz, you brought yer choppers, right?"**_

"_**Right boss!"**_

_**Oh shi-**_

"_**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"**_

After finally removing the Legendaries from the Dark Void and leaving them to repeatedly knock Cressalia unconscious, Darkrai returned to his room. The floor was missing.

"What is it with people and removing my room's floor?" He looked around for a sign of what caused it.

Groudon was hanging by a fingernail from the bottom of the door.

"Erm... a little help here?"

"Did you smash my floor and cause my Adamant Orb and Lustrous Orb to fall down onto Mount Coronet?"

"...No... That was... Kyogre?"

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Ok, I used stomp in an argument with Lugia over what was better, fire or water. When the ground collapsed, she laughed and flew away.

"How am I going to help you when you're full size hanging down there?"

"You could open a Dark Void underneath me, then open it upside down on the ceiling there." He pointed to a patch a few meters behind Darkrai.

"Alright, let go." Darkrai concentrated hard for a few seconds, and a suitably large Dark Void appeared, engulfing Groudon as he fell. He quickly opened it again behind him.

"Thanks, and you're way too trusting." Groudon shoved him over the open air.

"...You do realize I can float, right?"

"DAMMIT!"

"Well, either way, you're lucky. I'm too tired to use another Dark Void, and if I used Dark Pulse right now, it'd lay waste to Sinnoh with the amount of bad thoughts going through my head." Groudon didn't bother to wait after hearing that. For most Pokémon, Dark Pulse was a relatively weak move. But when a Dark Type learned it, it became rather dangerous. Add into that equation the most angst-filled head this side of The Grimdark Future, and you get the equivalent of a nuclear missile that doesn't do any damage to a body. Thousands would die, and millions more would be completely paralyzed, their minds forever filled with angry, sad, and unmentionably dark thoughts.

Darkrai looked after him questioningly, then shrugged. "I was just exaggerating a bit..."

"Alright, where's that repairman that Arceus hired last time... Oh yeah, Canalave city. Next to that kid that I accidentally put in a coma."

_Meanwhile..._

Back on earth, near Mount Coronet, two beautiful orbs fell through the air. One was a bright and polished silver, with several jagged edges, while the other was perfectly smooth and a soft pink. Each landed in the same place, in a cavern near a waterfall. But as they fell, the Space-Time twins saw them, and knew that they had to have them.

"Such power..." Muttered Dialga

"Such beauty..." Sang Palkia.

"I know which one you want..." Said the two perfectly harmonious twins. But at this exact moment, their great friendship would be shattered forever.

Dialga said "The Adamant Orb!"

Palkia said "The Lustrous Orb!"

Darkrai said "Where did my Orbs go! I can't believe that Groudon let them fall with my drawers and my bed..."

Palkia and Dialga were arguing about which Orb was better.

"The Lustrous Orb has such soft tones, and so smooth and perfect, how can you not want it?'

"Because the Adamant Orb is perfectly shiny, with the right shade of color that it shows of it's ruggedness!"

"But the ruggedness of it is one of the BAD things!"

Finally, they reached a consensus.

"YOU CAN LIKE YOUR *Bleep*ING ORB, BUT IT SUCKS, SO YOU BETTER GET YOUR BRAIN *Bleep*ING FIXED BEFORE THE NEXT CONSUL OF LEGENDARIES, OR YOU'LL GET YOUR *Bleep*ING *Bleep* KICKED OFF THE CONSUL!"

" YEAH, WELL YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN VOTED OFF THE *Bleep*ING ISLAND!"

"WHAT ISLAND? WE LIVE IN A GIANT FLOATING *Bleep*ING HALL! "

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? *Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep, Bleep Bleep Bleep!"

WHAT THE *Bleep,* DIALGA?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"I LIKE PIE!"

ME TOO!"

"WHAT ABOUT MEWTWO?"

"I DON'T LIKE HIM!"

"I KNOW, BUT DOES HE LIKE PIE?"

"YES! LET'S GO STEAL HIS PIE!""

And so, they forgot about their argument and stole Mewtwo's pie. From that point onward, Mewtwo hated everyone who came near his pie forever. He thought that they were pie thieves.

_**Back in the semi-sane world...**_

"_**Alright, who stole my pie?"**_

_**And back in the story land...**_

Darkrai lent against the wall in his room. He had been unable to pay the ferryman to get across to Canalave, and since Kyogre was still in the water, he was unable to cross without dying, or so he thought. He didn't know that Kyogre was waiting until he made one slip up, and then she would request to eat him as punishment. She didn't want to be implicated in the murder, no matter what happened.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. It was Mew. Darkrai slammed it again. Of course, since Mew had the genes of all the Legendaries excluding the Legendaries, he simply used the Duskull genes to go through it.

"Hi."

"Hi Darkrai sorry about almost poisoning you last night I was cooking without the cook book and I forgot to wash my hands and I died of malaria but then I ate a coconut and came back to life and a giant piece of chocolate pizza landed on my head and then I fed you radioactive chocolate by using teleport to put it in your stomach-" Darkrai placed his hand over the pink Pokémon's mouth.

"You drank another 12 gallons of coke, didn't you."

"Yup but Jirachi and Celebi dared me to so don't kill me please I'm too young to die ahhh-" Darkrai put his hand over Mew's mouth again.

"I'm gonna punt you ten floors up if you don't shut up."

"K."

"Good. Now." Darkrai dropped Mew and punted him eight floors up. Mew smashed into Jirachi, who, after recovering, handed ten bucks to Celebi.

"I told you not to underestimate Darkrai's temper, Jirachi!" Celebi crowed, counting her money eagerly.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hey all, sorry about the long time since the last update. Various things, such as a slight addiction to Runescape, a creative slump, etc., have caused me to forget my devotion to the fine art of sitting at the computer and hit little buttons to make words appear on the screen for a couple hours, before deciding that whatever I have on the paper is good enough and posting it. In this chapter, I will attempt to introduce Hirui no Nai (Yuki-Neechan's OC), who I may or may not kill off next chapter depending on whether I can actually write with her. If I can't then she dies (or leaves for some reason), if I can, then she lives. Anyway... On to the story! (Oh, and for those who are wondering, I survived the WAAAAAGH by defeating the Warboss in single combat. I am now the new leader of the Committee for better treatment of Magikarp! YAY ME!)**_

A strange sight greeted the Legendaries as they woke up from their sleep: Somehow, some sort of blue Espeon had snuck into the Hall, probably by using Teleport, and was now wandering the hall, looking for something. Darkrai, of course, didn't particularly like psychic types, so he mostly ignored the news. However, Cressalia, Mew, and Mesprit were all too interested in the 'really cute kitty' as they referred to her, despite the lack of knowledge on whether Espeons were canines or felines. Fortunately for the Espeon, they couldn't figure out where she was.

"Come here, kitty-kitty!" Cressalia shouted, in what she considered her cutest voice, though Heatran, who she had, as always, dragged along, considered it her most obnoxious.

"I have Temptations!" Shouted Mew, toting some of the so-called addictive cat treats. The Espeon was not tempted.

"Come out, or I'll have a temper tantrum!" Screamed Mesprit, who, unfortunately for her three companions, proceeded to follow through on the threat. After everyone had fixed their bleeding ears, they continued the search.

Darkrai, meanwhile, was lounging peacefully in the kitchen. The main reason for this was that his room was, once again, missing a floor, and besides, the kitchen had already been searched several times by Mew, since he believed that the Espeon would be after the cat-food. Darkrai had discreetly emptied a vial of some sort of fluid that Mew could smell but he couldn't, and the next time Mew had come in, he had run out screaming something about daemons coming to take over the universe. After waiting a few seconds, Darkrai had re-entered the room and found somewhere to lean.

Unfortunately for him, his peace and quiet was not to last. The Espeon came racing into the room, pursued closely by Arceus. Arceus seemed to be in a rage about something, and the Espeon had, floating closely behind her, Arceus' favourite chocolate bar, which I will not name so that I don't do product placement (Reese's! The Chocolate Bar of the gods!). Arceus was roaring in anger, and his rage was second only to Dialga's in pitch, length, and loudness. Darkrai winced, and turned towards the two entering the room.

The Espeon came skidding to a halt, and looked for another exit. Unfortunately for her, the only way other way out was into the dining room, and that had at least one other Legendary in it at any time, most of them Legendaries that hadn't been announced yet.

The Espeon seemed to know this, and slowly she surrendered her prize. Arceus nodded.

"You see? The might of the creator is unstoppable-" When the chocolate bar was an inch from his face, he disappeared. The Espeon laughed and hurried away with her candy. A humongous roar echoed throughout the hall.

_**Yes, this is a bit shorter than I usually write.**_


End file.
